I'd Die To Be With You Tonight
by ExaltantTurtle
Summary: Tara Knowles had left Charming 12 years earlier, breaking the heart of Jax Teller. Going to medical school had taught her many things, including a family secret. And it didn't just affect her, it would either destroy or revive her lost love, Jax. But why did she come back? And will Charming survive the resurrection of a lost family member, and the return of the town drunk daughter?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N The idea for this fanfiction came from the Jimmy Barnes song 'I'd Die to be With You Tonight'. Hence, the title, and why lyrics will start every chapter. I, currently, don't know if it will be the same song spread out, or many different songs to set the mood for the chapter. Regardless, I will inform you of the song.** **Warning** **some of the history has been slightly altered or fabricated for this story to work.**

* * *

 _I've been thinkin' about you night and day  
Sure been restless since you went away  
You took something from me against my will  
Touched a nerve in me that's tingling still_

 _-I'd Die to be With you Tonight, Jimmy Barnes_

* * *

Tara had been putting this phone call off for a very long time. About 12 years to be exact. And she still wasn't sure if she should tell Jax, but now she didn't have much of a choice. She was going back to Charming, he would find out about Thomas Teller eventually. The phone seemed to be ringing forever, and part of Tara prayed he wouldn't pick up the phone.

But, Jackson Teller never did what he was meant to, answering the phone with a deep gravelly; "Hello?" Her breath caught, and for a moment she flashed back to Jax and her in bed.

"Jax. I-It's Tara. I need to tell you something… I should have told you before, but I didn't know how." The fear in her voice scared him, more than any gun fight ever had, even more than his mother.

"Your brother Thomas isn't dead."

" **That. Is. Not. Funny.** " Jax said, his voice quiet and deadly. This time, when her breath caught it was fear, not desire that stopped her breathing.

"Jax. Jackson, I promise you, I'm not lying. Look, I'm coming back to Charming, and he's coming with me. Meet me at our place at Lodi, and I will explain. Please, don't tell Gemma, just come and listen first." It was the desperation in her voice that forced Jax to agree. He wasn't sure why she was saying such crazy things, but he needed to make sure she was okay.

"Alright Tara, I'll see you at 3 tomorrow?" His voice sounded tired, bone tired. And that made Tara Knowles' heart ache more than anything ever had.

* * *

"Tara?" Thomas was six years younger than Jax, and he had never looked younger, "What if my brother doesn't believe me? What if he doesn't like me anymore?"

"Tommy, that couldn't happen. There is no one in the world Jax Teller loves in the world than his baby brother." She said in a soft voice. Tara could remember how every Sunday Jax would disappear for 2-3 hours, and always came back upset. It wasn't until she had accused him of using that time to cheat on her that she found out he visited his brother's grave and told him everything that was happening.

"But… What if he'd moved on? What if…. What if he doesn't love me anymore?" Thomas Teller had very little memories of his biological family, but he remembered his big brother. His brother would always protect him, play with him, and he hoped always love him.

Before Tara could reply she heard the rumbling of a motorcycle. She could feel goose bumps erupting all over her body. Jax pulled up to the grassy picnic grounds, and from her tree, she could see just how _well_ he had matured. Clearly, Jax had become more hardened, both in body and mind. But, he still did that confident, charming swagger when he walked.

As Jax neared the meeting place he noticed Tara staring intently at him. And he could see where he had carved their names into the tree. After that particular night, they had come here when they wanted to get away… Which, in those hormone infested years, was frequently. He didn't notice the blonde kid next to Tara until he was 10 metres away. The boy glanced up at Jax, freezing him in his tracks. The last time he had seen those deep blue eyes it had been in the hospital. Jax had always had light blue eyes, but Tommy had had these deep sapphire blue eyes.

"Jax?" Tara called out, bringing him back to reality.

"Hey, darlin'." He said, strutting up to her, and ignoring the kid.

"I know you don't believe us, but you need to completely hear us out before you decide if this is your brother." He nodded silently, occasionally flicking his eyes to 'Thomas'.

"When your brother got sick, it was because of the heart defect. But it didn't just spontaneously start. It was triggered, by fear and stress. Your mum had kept you boys late at the garage, and you boys weren't meant to go into the club. But, Thomas ignored that. He saw a sit-down go wrong. This was when Piney was shot in the gut. He was terrified that it would happen to someone else he loved. Like you, or your mum, or your dad. The constant anxiety and PTSD triggered his defect because his heart was constantly working too hard. Your dad didn't want him to die, but your mother would not have let him go. So he faked the death. And he was sent to live with my mother's sister, Ivy. When I moved for medical school I started to live with Aunt Ivy. That's how I found out. I couldn't tell you, not then. You would have thought I was trying to hurt you more than I had. And your mother… Well, Gemma would have been Gemma." Tara looked at Thomas, hoping he would say something.

"And you know all of this how? You weren't exactly privy to my dad's thoughts and actions, and it's not like Thomas would have understood." Jax said angrily.

Thomas went into his backpack and carefully pulled out a sealed letter, with _Jackson_ in flowing cursive letters.

"There was one for me as well, which basically said everything Tara just told you." Even as kids Thomas had been shy, but never when it came to his brother. Jackson opened the letter carefully.

 _Jackson,_

 _I'm sorry. I lied to you. Your brother never died, I had to protect him. Your mother would have killed everyone, your brother included, before allowing him to leave her. And I couldn't put the burden of lying to your mother on you. After everything settles down I'm going to fix the club. The way it started, and the way it should stay. Or, I'm going to leave it. You, my boys, my real family, are far more important than this club. This club has changed me, rotted me, and I don't want that for my boys. I need to protect you from what I have created. And once we sort out the club, your little brother will come home. But, son, I don't know if your mother will be with us then. And I am truly sorry if that is the case. I love you my little Jax._

 _-Dad._

Jackson stared at the letter, unsure what to do or say. But he didn't doubt its truth, not after he had found that memoir in storage.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I am overwhelmed at all of the reviews follows and favourites I have gotten overnight. I woke up to 50 emails in regards to this story. Thank you.**

 _You just left me here waitin  
Left a wound that won't heal  
God, you're so far away you don't know how I feel  
So say you'll take a chance on this heart of mine  
Don't make me the one that you left behind  
And I'm not saying anybody's wrong or right  
Just know I'd die to be with you tonight_

 _-Jimmy Barnes, I'd Die To Be With You Tonight_

* * *

Jax had decided that until they told Gemma about Thomas he had to stay with Tara. He still didn't know why she came back, but he didn't think it was about reuniting his family. Not after the way she had left all those years ago. He hadn't wanted her to leave, and she refused to stay. Tara was the first woman to break his heart, and since then he hadn't allowed anyone the chance to do it again.

Jax escorted Tara to her old house. It had been empty since the death of her father, and the neglect showed. He helped with the bags and even found himself joking with his little brother. When Thomas darted for a bag, and Jax had begun to wrestle with him he realised there was a question he hadn't asked yet. A question he needed to ask. The laughter died on his lips, and his expression fell into dread. Both Tara and Thomas had noticed the sudden change.

"Jackson?" Tara asked, placing her hand on his arm, which was still holding Thomas in a headlock. Jax shook his head and stepped back.

"Your heart. Is it fixed?" Jax asked his brother awkwardly.

"They, uh, had to wait until I was twelve to do the operation. Now I take meds every day to make sure it stays working, or something. I don't understand it as well as Doctor Knowles." Thomas replied, making a face at her.

"He means I know the doctor terms, and he is too immature to pay attention." Tara joked, playfully punching him in the arm.

"But, you're okay?" Jax asked, for added security.

"I'm fine big brother, you always worry too much." Even Thomas seemed a little surprised at his recollection if his childhood. After the bags had been brought in, Jax and Thomas brought Tara's old bed in from the garage. Just as they set the bed down Jax's phone began to ring.

"Hello."

"Alright brother, I'll be there shortly."

"Don't tell Gemma I was late. She will kill me."

"No, it's not because of that. I ran into some old friends."

The snippets of conversation she heard sounded familiar. When he became a prospect it had seemed like every little moment they had together had been interrupted.

"Let me guess, the club calls?" Tara said scathingly.

"Yeah, the Vice President is needed," Jax said, pointing to his badge. Tara snorted, picked up her bags and went towards the master bedroom. Jax looked the where she had stood, almost in confusion. And Thomas just shrugged, unsure of what to do or say.

She heard the motorcycle get fainter and fainter and sat heavily on her bed. She wasn't going to cry. Not over him. Not again. She didn't see Thomas standing in the doorway, he stood watching her for a minute or two before talking.

"You know, he's just like you described him. And… I think I remember him. Not clearly, it's almost like remembering a dream. If I try really hard I get more of an impression than a distinct memory." His voice was wistful, and far away, he looked at Tara, "The club is really important to him, huh?"

"You know Gemma will expect you to join, and when Clay steps down Jax will become the president, she'll want you to become VP," Tara commented absent-mindedly.

"That won't happen. I will leave before that happens. And we need to get Jax out of that club too. I don't want to lose him, Tara."

"I don't think anything in the world could make Jax Teller, the prince of Charming leave Sam Crow," Tara said softly, and sadly.

* * *

 **The next day**

"So you haven't told Tara about Wendy, and you haven't told Gemma about Thomas?" Opie asked, summing up their conversation. After dealing with the club business Jax had gone to Opie's house to tell him what was going on. He may have gotten out for Donna, but Jax needed his friend. So now they sat at his dining room table talking about Jax, as usual.

"What am I gonna do?" Jax complained, with a loud groan.

"You can man-up and tell 'em, or suffer in silence, never get your girl back and break your mother's heart," Opie commented, taking a swig of coffee.

"Helpful as ever Op," Jax muttered darkly, taking a swig of his Jack Daniels.

"They're gonna find out anyway, brother, it's better they hear it from you."

"Look at my Opie, being all wise," Donna said as she poured cereal for the kids. Jax wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or pride in Donna's voice, but Opie seemed to take it as a compliment.

"I married you, so I must be the wisest man in Charming," Opie said with a smile.

"EW!" exclaimed their two kids and Jax.

"Call her Jax."

* * *

Tara, I have to talk to you before Thomas and I go see Gemma." Jax said, slurring his words slightly.

"Everything okay?" She asked concerned.

"I just need to talk to you. I'll be at your house in 15 minutes." He said, promptly ending the call.

* * *

"Hey," she said opening the door.

"Hey darlin', " Jax said, smirking.

"Do you want me to make tea?" Tara asked awkwardly, moving to the kitchen.

"No," he said, grabbing her arm, "I need to tell you this." Tara gazed up at him, as he moved to stand right in front of her, and searched his face which was full of shame.

"I'm having a child, with my ex-wife." That was not what she had expected, anything else she could have dealt with, but not that.

"Oh." He watched her face crumple, it had gone from wonder to misery in two seconds flat, "I'm really happy for you."

"Tara. It was an accident. I didn't even love her when we were married. I gave her the divorce papers, and we uh… I guess you don't really want to hear about that…" Jax was still holding her. Tara's head almost touched his chest, as she looked down, trying to hide her grief.

"Hey, guys!" Thomas said cheerily, the two sprung apart. He was about to make a sly comment but saw Tara's expression.

"Hey! What the hell did you say to her?" demanded Thomas angrily.

"The horrible truth," Jax said miserably.

"Don't you dare say that! A child is not horrible. If you view this child as a burden you shouldn't have it." Tara protested. Jax, of course, didn't understand how personally she felt that comment.

"Can we talk about this later? Please." Asked Jax, ignoring his brother's presence. She nodded.

* * *

The two brothers entered the garage office together. The younger one had darker blue eyes and shorter blonde hair. But they looked similar in their face shape and the way they stood.

"Who the hell is that?" Gemma demanded, she couldn't understand why this person looked so much like her baby- or at least what she imagined her baby to look like.

"Just read this letter, and then ask questions," Jax said, ignoring her questions. A few minutes passed, and Gemma looked more and more outraged.

"That son of a bitch!" She shouted, shoving all of the papers off of her desk. She looked at her second son, and her expression softened, "My boy." Gemma pulled Thomas into a tight hug, refusing to let go.

"Who the hell is that?" Clay asked as we walked in, unbeknownst to him copying his wife's words.

"It's my brother," Jax said smugly.

"I can't believe it's you." Gemma breathed, pulling away from her child, "How did you find him?" she asked Jax in wonder.

"Tara's back."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I would have updated sooner, but the right side of my face randomly got incredibly swollen, and sensitive. Even letting my hair touch my cheek made me want to cry. I'm currently on antibiotics, which seem to be kinda helping. Thanks for the positive reviews, if you have any plot guesses/suggestions let me know. Also, I just wanted to say Thomas is purposely immature, he was sobered by the club and violence. He didn't worry about his life, or the life of his uncles because he had forgotten the very little he had seen. He is a contrast to Jax and a representation of what may have been.**

* * *

 _Why is it always stormy weather?  
And brother,  
Tell me if it all gets better.  
Why did you leave?  
Why did you die?  
You finally made your brother cry.  
I know you're watching over us tonight,  
And I hope you're watching over us tonight._

 _-Brother, Falling In Reverse_

* * *

"That little bitch." Gemma muttered to herself for the thousandth time. Ever since she had heard of Tara's complicity in the theft of her child Gemma couldn't help but hate her. She had hated Tara before, but never like this. Not only did she break one of her children's hearts, she had stolen the other. _Well, she is certainly going to learn what happens when you mess with Gemma Teller_ , Gemma thought haughtily. She strode over to her kitchen table, realising that she had been so wrapped up in her thoughts she had stopped in the middle of the room. As Gemma sat down and began to contemplate just what course of action to take, the phone rang.

"What?" Gemma asked, annoyed that she had been interrupted.

"Hey Gem, I hear you got your baby back." It was Luann, and Gemma didn't really want to deal with her right now.

"Look, I'm having a family dinner tonight, I will tell you all about it then. I have cooking to do." She invented on the spot. Gemma could hear the meekness in Luann's voice as she hung up, but she didn't care. Gemma Teller knew what her revenge would be… or at least what the start of it would be. Picking the phone up she called Clay, eager to share her scheme, positive he would be proud of his queen.

* * *

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. I did not go to all that effort of helping John Teller get rid of that brat for him to show up and ruin my plans,_ Clay was freaking out. Although no one in the clubhouse would know what his contemplative stare meant, the fact that he was troubled was obvious.

"Yo! Clay! You alright, man?" Tigg asked concerned. Clay groaned, rubbing his face with a large arthritic hand.

"Yeah. Just trying to figure shit out, ya know? I've gone from one step-son to two. And I helped raise Jax, I know his values and that he'll do right by the club. But Tommy? I don't know." He sighed deeply, and Tigg nodded in understanding.

"He's a Teller, I'm sure the MC life is in his blood," Tigg said, trying to reassure his prez.

"And what if it's not in his heart?" Before Tigg could reply Clay's phone began to ring.

"Hello?" He asked, breathing deeply.

"Hey, baby. I was thinking we do a family dinner, you up for it?" Gemma asked, seduction in her voice. Clay really wasn't up for any kind of celebration, not when he didn't know what Thomas meant. But, she was his queen. And he knew that it would make her happy, and he would be _rewarded_ , which would make him happy.

"Of course baby, what time do you want the boys there?"

"Let's say six-thirty. I'll make chicken wings." She added, knowing it would entice many of the bikers. He agreed, and after a few 'I love you's they hung up.

 _Fuck._

* * *

"Why are you living with that skank?" Gemma demanded of her child over the phone.

"She's like a sister to me!" Thomas protested as he folded his washing. Tara hated it just being stuffed in his drawers, and she would certainly check. He tried to hide his smile when he heard his mother snarl on the other side of the phone.

"That girl is no good. I knew it when she was a teen, and I know it now." Gemma declared, desperate to turn Tommy away from Tara, and into her arms.

"Can we not talk about this? Let's go back to the party tonight…. Can I bring Tara?" He asked brightly, another snarl. "If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here right now!"

"Fine, but I want her on her best behaviour, and she has to help out." Gemma relented, hoping it would make her plan easier, hanging up the phone.

"Tara!" Thomas yelled, running down the hall. She looked tired; Tara had spent most of the day at the hospital, familiarising herself with the staff, the place, and the current patients. Neonatal work was, perhaps, one of the hardest fields. An intense mental effort was needed, the tiniest mistake could result in the baby's death, an emotional effort was needed because cutting into a tiny baby was taxing, and physical effort was needed because precision was imperative.

"What?" She asked, smiling at him from behind the counter where she had been doing the dishes.

"Hey! I told you would do those, you should relax!" He protested, indignantly.

"You know it helps me wind down." Tara countered.

"Wanna go to a party with me tonight?" Thomas asked, wiggling his eyebrows. She scowled.

"I want nothing to do with Gemma." He gaped at her, overreacting his surprise, trying to make her laugh.

"How did you know!?" He demanded, mock angrily.

"I just want to spend my night in front of the TV." She said, moving to the couch to make her point.

"But… I don't know anyone…. I need you…" Thomas said in a quiet voice, pouting heavily. Before Tara said anything he noticed the drop in her shoulders, and slight slump of her body meaning she was going to give in.

"Fine." She groaned, loudly.

"By the way you have to help apparently, " He called as he ran towards his room.

 _Fuck, sucked in again._

* * *

Dinner had been awkward for Tara and Thomas. Tara was reminded of her old life, and what an outsider she had become. Thomas was reminded that his family wasn't just Gemma and Jax, and he also had to accept that Gemma had moved on to Clay. She was no longer John's girl, and the few memories Thomas had of them together made that no easy feat. Gemma had tried her best to be nice, and listen to the life Thomas had, but every time Tara was mentioned you could see her face freeze. Even Opie had shown up with Donna and the kids to meet Thomas… again.

When dinner had finished Tara helped the women clear the table and do the dishes, the men went to talk and watch the kids play in the backyard.

"So... Are you and Thomas dating?" Luann asked as she dried a plate. Tara physically blanched.

"Oh, my god! No! He's like my brother. Plus, I have learnt not to date Teller men, the club is always first. Even if it means they might die. Even if it means you might die." Ignoring the comments that made her blood boil, Gemma brightly pulled out sticky-date pudding and ice-cream.

"Who wants dessert?" She yelled loudly. About two seconds later there was a rush of children and adults, all wanting some. Tara helped to serve.

"Hey darlin'" she heard, spooning some ice-cream into the bowl. She didn't have to look up to know it was Jax, but she did anyway.

"D-did you want sticky-date pudding with that?" Tara asked, trying to stop her voice from wavering.

"You know I love it when you give me sweet things." He replied, knowing it would bring out a pink tinge on her face. That she would bite her lip, and flutter her eyelids. And despite knowing it would happen, his heart still fluttered.

Gemma eyed the couple evilly. They were completely oblivious to the attention on them. It was mainly Thomas, who was behind Jax in the line and seemed ecstatic at this development. Gemma hated that. He should understand the pain Tara caused her brother and try to prevent it from happening again. After receiving his pudding Jax moved on, but not before shooting Tara his signature wink. Thomas took his place, a huge grin on his face.

"Oh shut up Tommy," Tara said, spooning extra chocolate ice cream into his bowl, knowing he wouldn't want the pudding.

"We've been talking, he's single." He wiggled his eyebrows, knowing it would annoy her.

"He has a pregnant wife," Tara stated bluntly, abruptly ending Thomas' antics.

"They're getting a divorce when she finally signs the paperwork." He retorted, slightly annoyed.

"And then he will have a child. It's too complicated Thomas. I can't be in a relationship with him right now," Tara turned to Gemma, "I have an early morning tomorrow. I have to go." Tara fled from the house.

 _Fuck._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So, not only do I have a sore/swollen face, I managed to stab my hand. I skewer went about 2 cm into the palm of my hand. And the cut is a little infected, so despite school starting and a shit tonne of assessment I have decided to alleviate my frustration through the writing of this story.**

* * *

 _Might as well share, might as well smile  
Life goes on for a little bitty while.  
A little bitty baby in a little bitty gown  
It'll grow up in a little bitty town_

 _-Little Bitty, Alan Jackson_

* * *

Her very first day at the hospital had been hectic; she had already observed and helped with one surgery. Tara had just been about to eat lunch when she had been called frantically to surgery.

"What is it?" Tara asked, changing into scrubs.

"Late twenties, early thirties female. Suspected meth addict. She's overdosed and gone into labour. The child is about eight weeks premature." The nurse said, helping tie the scrubs and surgical mouth. After thoroughly scrubbing her hands Tara entered surgery, ready to save the life of a baby.

* * *

Jax could see Tara in Wendy's room as he approached. He was pissed.

"What the hell happened?" He demanded angrily.

"When was the last time you saw her?" Tara asked, sighing and crossing her arms.

"Couple of weeks," Jax answered shortly, he already thought it was his fault he didn't want Tara to think it too.

"Her hands and feet were full of tracks," Tara said, mimicking his shortness, "Toxicology isn't back yet, but it's most likely crank." Jax looked over at Wendy, she was unconscious and looked terrible. _Good,_ he thought bitterly.

"The baby?" Jax was almost afraid to know. The last time he had been in this wing of the hospital, he had lost a brother. And while he may now have that brother back, his baby wouldn't.

"We had to do an emergency C-section," Tara informed him softly. "He is 10 weeks premature."

"Holy shit." Tara had never seen Jax look so scared, he glanced briefly at his mother. Almost asking for help, and looked back at Tara. They were the two women in his world he could rely on. They would help him.

"Come on. Let's sit down, and walk you through it." He could hear the hesitance in her voice, this new was not good.

"Just tell me." Jax implored. Doctor mode switched on.

"He's got a congenital heart defect and gastroschisis- a tear in his abdomen. The gastro and early birth are a result of the drugs, and the heart defect is genetic," She knew he knew what it was from, but it was her duty to remind him- and Gemma- of the flaw they had given this child. "Either one would be serious but not life-threatening. However, the two of them together-" Tara stopped when she saw the tears in his eyes. Jax shook his head slightly, not really wanting to know. It wasn't that he didn't care, but to lose his kid? That would be too hard. Tara took a deep breath and continued; "Doctor Namid gives him a twenty percent chance, and…" She didn't want to say it, "I'm afraid that's being optimistic."

"Oh, my god," Gemma said from next to Jax. Tara didn't like Gemma, but she felt sympathy for her, Tara felt her heart break a little at the pain in her voice and in his eyes. Gemma turned to her son.

"She never wanted to talk to me. I didn't know." They knew he blamed himself, but what could they say? That taking no interest in the welfare of his unborn child was good? It wasn't his fault, but he didn't help it either.

"Her OB. said she missed her last three appointments. No one knew." Gemma was annoyed that Tara was the one soothing her boy's worries. That was her job, Tara gave that right up.

"Doctor Namid wants to fix his belly up first. Then if he stabilises he'll go in and try to repair the heart. I'm sorry Jax." He looked away again, guilt and anguish welling up in him. But Jax nodded to assure Tara he'd heard. "I can take you to see him now." Tara stepped back, offering to let him through. Thinking Jax would follow her lead she started towards the incubators.

"Tara." She turned to see him. "You don't have to do this, I'm sure you have other patients." Did he think she didn't want to help his child? Did he think she was so petty? Especially after how she had taken care of Thomas?

"I asked Doctor Namid if I could assist," Tara informed him. "I want to help your son." _Despite what I think about your wife._ Jax gave her a small smile and nodded gratefully. He wondered if she knew he was standing so close on purpose.

"His name's Abel."

"It's a good name." Tara offered before Jax started to walk away.

"Jax?" Tara called after him.

"Jackson?" Gemma questioned. He turned briefly.

"Go with Tara, I've got something I've got to do."

* * *

Gemma turned to look at Tara. "Can I see him?" It took all of her professionalism to agree, but Tara showed Gemma where he was.

"He- He's so small," Gemma remarked in surprise.

"He is one of the smallest babies I have ever seen." Gemma knew what that tone of fondness meant. She saw that expression on Tara's face when she looked at Abel.

"What are you still doing here?" She asked haughtily, trying to intimidate the younger woman. Tara certainly looked affronted but answered with a cool ease.

"I have to ensure nothing happens to my patient."

"You think I'm going to hurt my grandson?" Gemma demanded; there was a line you did not cross with Gemma Teller, and that was family.

"No! But if you accidently budge a tube, if you touch him and your hand is too warm or cold, if you bring in too much pollination or germs, you will kill him. And I don't want our history to be the reason Jax loses a son." Oh. So she was playing the moral high ground. That was a very 'Tara' move. She wanted everyone to think she was pure and innocent. Gemma would show everyone what she really was, starting with her two boys.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey guys, I have heaps of assessment right now, so this is probably going to be my last post for a little bit. I also just wanted to mention my Uncle is actually the VP of an Australian Bandidos club, so I have a little bit of personal knowledge. And Jimmy Barnes' music works really well for Sons of Anarchy!**

* * *

 _Working hard to make a living_ _  
_ _Bringing shelter from the rain_ _  
_ _A fathers son left to carry on_ _  
_ _Blue denim in his vein_ _  
_ _Oh oh oh he's a working class man_

 _-Working Class Man, Jimmy Barnes_

* * *

Tara hadn't gotten a chance to see Tommy until she got home from work, the day after the party. She wasn't sure what he'd been doing all day, but she knew he hadn't gone to see Abel. That worried her, what if the club had lured him in? She shook her head as she opened the door to her house. _You're just being paranoid,_ Tara thought soothingly.

"Tara!" Thomas called excitedly from the lounge room as Tara put her keys on the front table, and locked the door.

"Hey! Where have you been all day?" She asked, moving around the wall that blocked her view of the lounge room, "Oh. Is- Is that a crib, Thomas?" Tara stifled a laugh, his construction was not going well.

"Gemma said the nursery wasn't prepared yet, so I said I would get the crib. I _am_ his uncle, y'know." Thomas said, stressing the importance of his new role. Tara couldn't restrain her laughter anymore, it burst out of her. Thomas glared at her, not finding any of this funny, at all.

"Sorry Tommy, it's just… you suck at construction. Do you want some help?" He nodded, ashamed to be beaten by a crib. First, they took his attempt apart and laid out each piece and its corresponding nuts and bolts. _Kinda like reconstructive surgery,_ Tara thought.

"So… Gemma really hates you, huh?" Thomas said out of nowhere, as they put everything together. The randomness of the question made Tara pause in her tracks.

"Uh. Yeah. She hated me for stealing Jax, and then hated me more for hurting him. And I'm sure it's somehow my fault you were taken. 'Cause I was an evil mastermind at age eleven, don't you know?" Tara said full of sarcasm and reprimands.

"I mean; she _really_ hates you. Like, I learnt more about how horrible you are than about my mother. She has a vendetta against you." _Why wouldn't he let it go?_ Tara groaned internally.

"She thinks I killed her grandson." Tara blurted out, this was another secret she had kept for a long time. Thomas gaped at her in shock, and before he could even gather his thoughts to reply the doorbell rang. Tara, hoping to avoid this conversation, fled for the door. Of all people to be there, Jax was the last one she wanted.

"Has Thomas fixed that crib up yet?" He asked, ignoring the normal pleasantries.

"We're almost finished." She said, moving out of the way and letting him in. Jax spotted the crib, and she could see the happiness in his eyes. But, then something darker replaced them. Tara realised it was the fear his child would never reach this crib.

"Abel has already begun to improve," Tara said, jolting Jax out of his dark thoughts. He looked at her in surprise.

"He's addicted to crank. He's probably going through severe withdrawals." He scoffed slightly at her attempt to soothe his worries. But this was his fault, and he deserved to feel this way.

"That's true, but he has already begun to gain strength. In about a week we can operate." She hesitantly reached out to place her hand on his arm. Jax flinched at the contact, but as he felt Tara remove her hand, he placed his over the top holding her in place. Thomas had been far too involved in the finishing touches of the crib to notice this affection. Ever since Tara had left Charming, and joined him, she had been his way of connecting to Jax. And even though she left him, Tommy could tell her love had never really gone away. _Not even when she was with…_ Tommy banished that thought, not wanting to think about that particular past.

"When will the tyke be home?" Asked Thomas without thought. Jax tensed, pulling away from Tara; who stood there helpless.

"Thanks for building this, I just realised I have no way to take it home. I'll come by tomorrow." Jax pulled Tommy into a tight hug.

"Take the Cutlass," Tara said, as Jax pulled away from his brother.

"What? How will you get to work tomorrow?" Jax asked, astonished at her offer.

"Pick me up in the morning." She said with a smile, throwing him her keys.

* * *

"Thomas. We need to discuss you getting a job, or going to school or something." Tara said seriously, as she made two bowls of cereal.

"Fine but only if we finish our conversation about Gemma when you get home from work." She groaned internally, knowing if she didn't say anything Gemma would, and not to show Tara in a positive light.

"Fine Thommy, but I tell you everything in the strictest confidence.

"Well… Gemma said I could work at the garage," he saw her stiffen, "But, just for a while! Until I can get another job, that is!" Tommy amended hastily.

"Fine. But, you need to be actively looking for a job, you could even go to university or something… You're twenty-four now, you should really have some kind of plan for your life." He groaned loudly.

"You're such a mum!" Tommy joked, "But you're probably right." He sighed rubbing his face. And Tara couldn't help but think of Jax, and how he always did that when tired or stressed. After finishing breakfast, and getting dressed Tara waited anxiously for Jax in the lounge-room. After a stressful twenty-minuted he finally showed up.

"Jax. You're over ten minutes late!" She admonished, grabbing her bag. But Jax strolled into her house, closing and locking the door behind him. He gestured to the couch, "Sit down." Confused, and slightly scared, Tara did as she was told. She took a deep breath.

"What is this about?" For a moment Jax softened slightly at her expression.

"Why is there a silver Mazda following your car?" He watched her reaction carefully, noting her eyes widening, the slight gasp, the sudden tension in her body, and he held back from going to her.

"It's nothing." Tara's voice cracked slightly, and she looked away from him, "Will you take me to work now. Please." He sighed in annoyance but relented knowing he would talk to his brother about this later.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's taken forever to upload again. I have just finished year 12 though, which means I have a whole bunch if free time! Sorry if there are spelling/grammatical errors, my nails are wet, but when inspiration hits…**

* * *

 _No one else could make you feel like I do, I do, I do  
No one ever gets as deep inside you, as I do baby  
Our love is a bed of nails  
Love hurts good on a bed of nails  
I'll lay you down and when all else fails  
I'll drive you like a hammer on a bed of nails._

 _-Bed of Nails, Alice Cooper_

* * *

After Jax had dropped her off at work Tara had spent all day stressing, mainly about the silver Mercedes and the trouble it brought, but the impending conversation with Thomas was only adding to that anxiety. Unconsciously, Tara went to the neonatal ICU room where Abel Teller was housed. Somehow seeing him there, safe and sound, sleeping despite all the odds against him made Tara calm. But, of course, she worked in a hospital which meant that calm did not last very long.

* * *

Thomas Teller was not having a good day. First, he had woken up late for his new job, even if it was at his family's garage. Secondly, his big brother had been waiting outside his house to ambush him, full of questions about a silver Mercedes- the next thing to go wrong was a crash with said Mercedes. It was only a small crash; they weren't even hurt. But to know that Joshua Kohn had the audacity to hit him and his brother pissed Thomas off. The back end of the Cutlass was all smashed in and needed a good panel beater to work on it. He hadn't even hung around; he's just driven off. Thomas stood gaping angrily at the disappearing car, he felt like throwing a tantrum in all honesty.  
"Alright Tommy, I don't care how much Tara doesn't want me to know; who the FUCK is that guy!?" Jax roared at him brother, pointing a finger in the direction the car had taken off in. Thomas sighed deeply, and ran a hand through his hair; "Thomas Wayne Teller you will tell me right now!" A small part of Jax was almost happy at being able to reprimand his younger brother, something he had previously never thought would happen.

"Alright," Thomas sighed again, "His name is Joshua Kohn, ATF, and is Tara's ex-boyfriend, and current stalker." The look on Jax's face made it clear that was the last thing he had expected his brother to say.

"Explain further," Jax said shortly, crossing his arms.

"Well… Tara started dating Joshua when she was in med school, and to begin with everything went well. Then, he started to get really manipulative; she couldn't hang out with men, because they would want to hook up, then she couldn't hang out with chicks because they were a 'bad' influence, and then it was me because I wasn't really related to her, and when he caught us hanging out, watching a Disney movie no less, he beat her up. All because he 'loved' her." Thomas spat. Jax's face was a mix of anger and thoughtfulness.

"Go and tell Tara that her car is in the shop, and I will take her to and from work." Said Jax, pulling his phone out.

"What? Am I going to walk? Plus, I'm meant to start work today." Thomas said sardonically.

"There are perks to being a Teller in Charming," Jax replied in a patronising tone, dialling a number, "Half-Sack, need you to give my brother a lift to the hospital, and get a tow truck out here to pick me and the Cutlass up, tell Gemma." After giving the address Jax snapped his phone shut, and moved to the kerb to sit down. His brother joined him, they both sat with their legs wide, and arms on their legs.

* * *

"Hi, is doctor Tara Knowles available?" Thomas asked with a charming grin, the nurse had seen the same grin on Jax Teller, and his father John before, and was, therefore, immune to it.

"Her lunch break is in 25 minutes; you are welcome to wait." She said, gesturing to the waiting chairs.

"Will you let her know I'm here to see her? It's important." Thomas tried the 'puppy' eyes which had worked to get him out of trouble for years, but the nurse just stared blankly at him.

"She's with a client, when she is finished I will inform her that you're here." Thomas nodded appreciatively and flopped into a waiting chair, opening a magazine. It was about five years old; he groaned internally and leant back to make himself comfortable.

"Tommy. Tommy. Thomas!" Tara shook Thomas, becoming increasingly more annoyed. He snorted awake.

"Whaddya want?" He asked drowsily, sitting up a little more and rubbing his eyes.

"You came to see me, so what do you want?" Asked Tara curiously, annoyed at the frequent work interruptions. Thomas thought about it for a moment, remembered, and then told Tara not only what had happened, but what he had told Jax… or rather what had _not_ told Jax. Looking around wearily, Tara took Thomas to the break room and sat on the corner couch.

"I'm going to have to tell him the whole story," Tara said resignedly, Thomas nodded, and she sighed deeply. "I might as well finish telling you why Gemma hates me. When I was eighteen I got pregnant, I told Gemma before I told Jax, and she was so excited. She thought it meant I would stay in Charming, and so did Jax. But I told them both I was getting out, and I was going to university. Jax understood we weren't ready for a baby. Gemma, however, did not. When I got the abortion, she was so angry at me, she told me to never come back to Charming, or it would be the last thing I did. Then when it came to leaving Jax didn't want to anymore." They were quite for a long time.

"That's… uh… pretty intense." Thomas commented unnecessarily.

"She was a preacher's daughter, ya know." Despite her dislike for Gemma, she wouldn't poison Tommy against her. Tara understood what it was like to have no mother, and she wasn't going to try and destroy someone's relationship with their mother. Thomas nodded in understanding.

"Maybe you should spend the night at her house. Get to know her a bit better, talk to her about her life?" Tara suggested softly, reaching for Thomas' hand. He nodded, then a cheeky smile lit up his face.

"You just wanna get me out of the house so you can do the naughty with my brother." Tara's mouth fell open, in protest.

"Shut up!" She said, floundering for a comeback.

"Jax and Tara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Thomas said in a sing-song voice, before being tackled by Tara, who pressed her hand against his mouth. So, obviously, Thomas bit her, before fleeing the hospital. He shouted a 'goodbye' over his shoulder.

* * *

Tara felt nervous as she walked to Jax's bike, not because she would be riding it- she'd done that a million times, but she would be holding Jax and breathe in his intoxicating scent. As she put the helmet on, and swing her leg over, clinging to Jax her anxiety dissipated. This felt natural, even more so than breathing.

When they got to her house she asked with a shaky breath, "Do you want to stay for dinner?" He smiled that smile nodded, and followed her into the house. Neither noticed the silver Mercedes down the street. She made a simple chicken pasta, too nervous to make something complicated. As she cooked dinner Jax watched her admiringly, arms crossed and a smirk on his face.

"Tommy didn't tell you everything about Kohn. And you won't like what I have to tell you. After I broke up with him, I found out I was pregnant. I got an abortion, and I don't know how but he found out. I had probably already been stalking me, but he got really mad at that. He broke two of my ribs. Then he started calling me, sending me flowers, following me home, threatening my friends. I moved here to get away from it… That didn't work so well." Tara looked down, and started twisting her hands together, Jax crossed the room and pulled her face up to look at him. He moved his face slowly towards hers. Too slowly. She reached up and kissed him softly. Before quickly pulling away as the pasta began to bubble. After dinner, and wine, they were lucky they made it to the bed. Neither noticed the angry ATF agent in the window, watching the passionate lovemaking, convincing himself Tara only loved him, nor his tight grip on his gun.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I feel like I'm full of excuses, but the reason I haven't written is because I've been looking after my grandpa while my grandma is away. And basically, trying to spend time with him before he dies. He has already lived 20 years longer than the doctors thought he would, but I don't know that he will last much longer. His skin is going grey, he can hardly walk, he never leaves the house, he might be going back onto an oxygen tank, and sometimes he can't do things as simple as swallow his food. Since he leaves over 600 km away this might be the last time I might ever see him, and he is really the only grandpa I've got. I'm sorry for being neglectful but I hope you can understand.**

* * *

 _Now we can retrace  
All we have begun  
New oblivion  
Havin' lots of fun_

 _-Rediscovery, by Chicago_

* * *

When Tara woke the next morning, she spent a few minutes basking in the presence of Jax, and the warmth of the sun flooding through the window onto her naked body. None of the partners or one night stands since Jax had ever made her feel so content and happy. As she pondered what that meant and how it may affect her, Tara looked over at Jax who was resting peacefully. The sheet was draped over him, leaving his chest bare- Tara had obviously kicked the sheet off her in the night- his hair was everywhere, including his face which she wanted to touch, to feel the stubble under her fingers. She shook her head with a deep sigh, she had not come to Charming to be with Jax, and a relationship with him meant a relationship with the club. Carefully she crawled out of bed to make herself coffee, and prepare for a long day of doctoring. Tara and Doctor Namid would be checking on Abel's progress today, if he was doing well he would have surgery to repair the tear in his abdomen if he wasn't they would hold out for another week, but they didn't have much time.

* * *

Jax stretched in his bed, relishing the rare night of good sleep he had enjoyed before he realised this was not his bed. Or at least his bed didn't have purple sheets last time he had checked. Glancing around the room he came to the conclusion it was not his bed or room, it was Tara's. He didn't think he'd had that much wine last night, but it could just be a good sleep that was disorienting him. He rolled out of the bed and walked down the hall, mostly he was trying to find his clothes. When he reached the living/dining area he noticed Tara was staring contemplatively at her cup of coffee. There was a slight furrow to her brow, meaning she was probably trying to solve a problem.

"You okay?" He asked, cutting through her concentration. She turned to look at him and flushed bright pink.

"You don't seem to be wearing any clothes," Tara said dryly.

"I can't find them." He said shrugging his shoulders, assuming he was joking Tara let out a slight chuckle; "Honestly! I have no idea where they are. I was going to ask if you had them." Tara scrutinised him for a few seconds, wondering if he was toying with her.

"Borrow some of Thomas' until you can find them, but I need to shower and change. Make sure you lock the door when you leave. And with that, she left him in his birthday suit in the loungeroom dumbfounded. Unsure when Thomas would arrive back home, as Tara had told him he was spending the night at his mother's house, Jax rushed to his brother's room and found some clothes that fit him. It was a tight fit.

* * *

Thomas woke to his mother's voice, something that hadn't happened for almost 20 years.

"Put some clothes on, and have some breakfast, then we're going to the garage," Gemma said sternly to her son, momentarily forgetting he was an adult.

"Oh shit!" Groaned Thomas, as he sat bolt right up.

"What!?" She tried not to panic, but he heard the fear in her voice.

"I totally forgot to grab clothes." Internally part of him laughed, knowing Tara would have reminded him a million times before he left, and he still forgot. Perhaps he relied on her too much, but it was easy to do that. Tara was… Tara, for there was no other way to explain it. She was like a stern mother, who was also your best friend and greatest champion.

"Grab some of Jackson's, he won't mind." Gemma patted his leg affectionately and then left the room with a small smile, and the knowledge all of Jax's clothing would be far too big.

* * *

After Tara and Dr Namid finished examining Abel, finding him to be healthy considering, she phoned Jax.  
His voice was terse when he answered; "Hello?"

"Um, we need to discuss the upcoming operation for Abel. After an examination, today Dr Namid and I believe he is strong enough for the surgery, with your consent. If you agree you need to come in and sign paperwork, and if you don't agree you need to come in and sign paperwork." Tara said hesitantly.

"Can Gemma sign for me?" He asked, his voice was coloured both with relief and exasperation.

"No. She isn't a legal guardian, and since Wendy recently overdosed she cannot be considered within the right state of mind to be signing legal documents regarding the care of an infant. Even if you wished to make Gemma a legal guardian you would have to come in to sign paperwork. I could give you the paperwork if you want, but I think Abel would benefit from his father's presence." She felt kinda horrible saying this to him but wasn't sure anyone else would tell him that.

He sighed deeply, and Tara could see, in her mind's eye, him running his hand through his hair, looking towards the ground. "Yeah. I'll come in this afternoon. How soon after will the operation take place?"

"As early as tomorrow, depending on the paperwork, and insurance."

It was two blissful, normal days before the rug was pulled out from under Tara. She had performed excellent surgery on Abel Teller, who had a 95% of recovery. Tommy had been working, and spending time with her. She had gotten into a rhythm, balancing work and home, despite the prospect as her protection detail.

"Bye Tara! I'll see you when I get home!" Thomas yelled as he left the house- probably late for work. She didn't even reply, knowing he had probably left already but smiled to herself. Charming had not changed much since she had left. The cops were still crooked. The Tellers still ruled, and so did Sam Crow. Everyone did as the Sons of Anarchy dictated, and life was pretty much boring. As long as she forgot she was being stalked, and other than the flowers Kohn often left for her that was easy. As Tara undressed and turned the shower on she heard a sound from the lounge room. Leaving the shower on, and wrapping the towel around herself she went to check it out, being slow to avoid making noise. Of course, there was no possible way she could have known that Kohn had an accomplice, who had a key, or that Kohn was actually behind her, readying himself for an ambush. Tara heard the front door shut and hurried into the loungeroom, hoping to catch the intruder.

Kohn dived at her feet, she fell sideways smashing the side of her head on the coffee table. She could feel the blood burst from her skull… Or was her skull bursting? Suddenly she wasn't aware of what was actually happening or what she felt was happening. She felt the intruder pull her closer, rolling her onto her back. The towel was being tugged away by the friction of the carpet but was helped by her assailants' hands as his knees pinned her down. She tried to scream, but there was blood in her mouth and it came out as a gurgled choke. Grimacing she swallowed the blood, hoping to scream again. She did. It was high pitched and full of terror. Realising most people were at work, and no one was going to help her Tara tried to wipe the blood from her eyes. Succeeding only in smearing it, literally turning her vision red. She squinted at her attacker, who was softly running their arms up and down her body.  
"No." She breathed, starting to sob.

"Hi, Tar-Tar. Did ya miss me?" Kohn said viciously, bringing a solid object towards her face.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I totally forgot I had left this on a cliffhanger. I am extremely sorry. But if it makes you feel better- which I doubt- my laptop randomly stopped working, and I lost everything- including my half completed 2000-word essay. I hadn't backed anything up in several weeks because of how busy I was so I had to start again.**

* * *

 _You're only alive because I like you  
It's been three years since you've seen the sunlight,  
But I know you're having fun,  
Bound, gagged and chained up in my basement_

 _-Chloroform Girl, Polka Dot Cadaver_

* * *

When Jax walked into the hospital to see Abel he had expected Tara to be there to meet him. When she wasn't, he had assumed she was attending another patient or on her lunch break, but that she would find him soon enough. He spent an hour with his son and still she hadn't shown, but she was probably busy with other more fragile babies he rationalised. As he left Doctor Namid came in to inform Jax that in a week Abel Teller would be allowed to go home.

* * *

Thomas had stayed the past two nights at his mum's house, at Gemma's insistence- of course. Gemma had told him that he needed to spend some time with her and Clay getting to know them- to get over the shock of John being replaced by Clay, as Thomas saw it. He was surprised at what a good time he had had. Gemma kept her promise of not bagging out Tara, and Clay was much kinder and less intimidating than he looked, and acted. They did normal family stuff, or at last what he thought was normal. They had dinner together, talked about their days, watched movies together and recounted the past 20 years of their lives. Tommy was especially interested to hear how Gemma fell in love with Clay after John had died. He also learned that John had probably been having an affair, or at least that was what a slightly drunken Gemma confided to him at 3 o'clock in the morning.  
"It was because of you. I thought it was because you had died because John hadn't been able to save you. But it turns out he was guilty of stealing you from me. I hope it ate that bastard up!" She had spat venomously, before breaking down into sobs.

But, now, it was time to come home to Tara. His mother had invited him to come and live with her and Clay, and he had been considering it. Tara had long hours at the hospital and probably didn't need him hanging around and annoying her. Jax would be moving into his house with Abel. He would be able to get to know his family- which as Clay and Gemma always reminded him included the Sons of Anarchy. Tara would never allow them at her house. He would probably be able to party longer and harder, seeing as his parents would be at the party with him. Ironically, living with his mum would probably give him more freedom to do whatever, or _whoever_ , he wanted.

All of these thoughts rushed through Thomas' head as he unlocked the front door of his house. Tommy chuckled to himself as he remembered Gemma had had to tell him a minimum of three times to grab the key back off of her. But he was always in the middle of something, generally working on a car when she mentioned it. He noticed that the coffee table had been moved diagonally. Perhaps Tara had needed the room, he thought with a shrug. As Thomas walked into his room, he threw his duffel bag of clothes across the chamber, knocking and old trophy down from his desk. Sighing Thomas walked over to pick the fallen object up. _Had that been there before?_ Thomas wondered _I could have sworn it was on my shelf before…_ He was probably just confused; it felt like forever since he had last seen his room. Flopping onto his bed, Thomas soon drifted off, secure in the knowledge Tara would wake him when she got home, and they could debrief about the last few days and his future.

* * *

Tara woke with a start. Her arms were tied above her head, and there was a torn piece of towel in her mouth. She squirmed her way into a sitting position, which was more uncomfortable and awkward than when she had been lying down. She was dressed, which was a relief. But could she be certain nothing had been done to her? Other than the kidnapping and bondage, that is. The fact that she was tied to a bed wasn't what she would call comforting. Looking around at her surroundings Tara recognised the place she was in; it was one of Charming's dodgy motels, generally used by prostitutes. Which means that nobody would bother her, or her kidnap- _Oh my god Kohn!_ Tara, while analysing her situation had forgotten to ask how she had gotten into said situation in the first place.

When you're locked in a place with nothing to do and no way to tell the time you lose your sense of time. Tara constantly found herself wondering how long she had actually been here. How long she had been awake. She couldn't tell if it was a long time or a short one that felt long. Hell, she wasn't even sure what constituted short or extended periods of time anymore. It had led her to remember that sociology class she took once, and how they discussed that reality is a social construct and therefore time isn't real.

* * *

The motel door was opening; "Hey Tar-Tar! Are you awake yet?" Kohn's voice rang out as he entered the room. Evidently, she couldn't answer, but Tara began to thrash on the bed. She hoped his 'love' would compel him to untie her restraints so she wouldn't hurt herself.

"If you keep thrashing like that, you won't be getting dinner." Kohn admonished in a loving, but patronising voice, locking and bolting the door behind him. She stopped thrashing. If he took the towel out of her mouth, she could scream. Better yet, if he untied her restraints so she could eat, she could escape. Kohn sat down on the bed next to her, placed the food- pizza she thought- on the floor next to his feet, and studied Tara's face.

"I see those little cogs working in your head. You think you can escape." Kohn accused of her. Tara shook her head emphatically. "Don't lie to me!" Kohn cried, smacking her head. "Look at what you make me do! All I want to do is love you, to raise our family together, but instead, you want to be a bikie whore. I don't understand how a smart girl like you can be so stupid." She could hear Kohn was working himself up- getting angrier and angrier by the minute. Kohn took a deep breath, "I already told the receptionist that we have _interesting_ and non-conventional tastes. That we do a lot of roleplaying and to not be alarmed by anything he may hear." She stayed still, and cast her gaze down, hoping he would accept this as submission.

"See. There you go." Kohn whispered, stroking the side of her face. It was all Tara could do not to recoil. She tried to school her features, and hide her revulsion at his touch. Kohn picked the food up and opened the box.

"I got you Hawaiian. You're favourite!" Kohn said proudly, removing her gag. It wasn't her favourite.

"Thank you," Tara murmured, before coughing due to the dryness of her mouth. Putting the box of pizza on her lap, Kohn stood up and hurried to the bathroom. When he came back, he held a red solo cup full of water. He helped Tara drink it, then fed her the pizza. She was starving. And when she finished she was busting to go to the toilet. She let Kohn know as much. He untied one hand from the bed head and brought it down to the bed; he put his knee on her wrist. Then he untied the other hand and brought it to the one under his knee. He tied both hands together and led her to the bathroom. She waited for him to leave. He did not.

"Please Joshua, I need to freshen up. And I'm sure you don't want to waste your time babysitting me." He watched her for what seemed like forever.

"Do you promise not to escape?"

"I promise," Tara whispered, nodding her head. Kohn stood for a little longer, seemingly debating if it was worth it.

"Alright. But you keep your restraints on, until I know I can trust you. You'll see this is for the best soon Tar-Tar." Kohn cooed, before closing the bathroom door behind himself. Tara searched every inch of the bathroom, looking for a way out. There wasn't any. The window was bolted firmly shut; there were no cracks in the walls or any structural weakness she could discern. Sighing, and resigning herself to finding another way out, Tara relieved her aching bladder and climbed into the shower hoping she could wash the situation away. Like a nightmare.

* * *

When Thomas woke up, he groaned and stretched. He checked the time; 11:47 pm. Tara probably hadn't woken him up because she was considerate. Getting up, and stifling a yawn, Tommy opened the door to Tara's room to check on her. He went to the bathroom quickly, then checked the rest of the house. Shrugging he assumed she had a long shift at work then climbed back into bed.

An hour later he still couldn't sleep. Thomas had a nagging feeling in the back of his head. He should call the hospital, just to check when she would be home- he could surprise her with pancakes.

"Saint Thomas Hospital, how can I help you?" A tired voice answered the phone.

"Uh, hi. I just wanted to check what time Tara Knowles shift ends. I'm her roommate, and there is an at-home emergency." Thomas invented, remembering they wouldn't just give out her details out unless there was an emergency.

"Doctor Knowles hasn't reported for work for the last two days, sir." Her tone held her accusation in it; _you're not her roommate._ Thomas dropped the phone. The snapped to his senses.

" _Sir? Sir? Are you the-"_ Thomas hung up and quickly dialled Jax's number.

"She's not at home. And she's not at work!" Thomas said desperately, as soon as Jax answered.

"Tommy slow down. Who are we talking about?" Jax said, trying to calm his brother down.

"Tara. Jax. Tara is missing."


	9. Chapter 9

_Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly_ _  
_ _All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise_

 _-Blackbird, Beatles_

* * *

Tara was gone. That was what Tommy had said, but Jax didn't know if he believed it. Hadn't he just seen her- three days? He hadn't seen Tara in three days. He had fucked her. Not just literally, but he had forgotten about her. Well, not forgotten. But his life had been so busy that Jax had forgotten to at least check in on her. If- When they got Tara back he would be more attentive. He would show Tara how much he had changed- this kind of thing couldn't happen again. What made it worse was he knew that she was being stalked by that ATF agent. Jax had been informed of just how violent that man was, what he had done to Tara but still, Jax's inaction had allowed this to happen.

"Jax. Jax. You there? I'm coming over." Thomas' voice came through the phone, wild and desperate. Jax took a breath. His bare feet curled into the fluffy carpet beside his bed. He was shirtless, and acutely feeling the cold night's air. His elbows rested on his knees, and his hand was half-run through his hair.

"No Tommy. I'll come to you, but I'll call mum to look after Abel first." His voice sounded steady, but he felt the complete opposite.

"Ok, Jax." If it weren't for the situation, Jax would have laughed. Little brother Tommy was agreeing to one of Jax's crazy plans, which would undoubtedly get them into trouble. Hanging up Jax dialled his mother's number, aware of just how pissed she would be at being woken up so late in the night.

* * *

"Jax. Is Abel okay?" Gemma's voice was frantic, and Jax hadn't even considered that she might think there is something wrong with Abel.

"No ma. Abel is okay. But I need you to watch him while I go out."

"Jax. Is Abel okay?" Gemma asked Jax frantically. She had been tossing and turning all night. Not just because of Tara, but because this was Abel's second night home, and they had been warned he may have to go back to the hospital. She had told Jax that she should be there. Just in case.

"No ma. Abel is fine." Relief flooded through Gemma, she felt her whole body decompress; "But I need you to watch him while I go out." The relief was quickly replaced with anger.

"And where the hell do you need to be at two in the fucking morning?" She snapped at her son.

"Tara is missing, Tommy and I are going to find her. I can't exactly take the baby with me, can I?" Was that exasperation in Jax's voice?

"Whatever Tara has gotten herself mixed up in is none of your business. That bitch will just hurt this family." Gemma knew this would be futile. Jax had always been blinded by Tara. He saw her halo, but not the horns it concealed.

"I don't have time for this. Are you going to look after your grandson or not?" Jax asked shortly.

"Don't you take that tone with me Jackson Teller. Yes, I will look after Abel. I'll be there in thirty minutes." If Gemma was going to be forced to help she would take her sweet time. And Kohn would probably want to know what was about to happen. She sent him a quick text as she pulled on a warm coat, pants, and shoes. Gemma made sure she drove just under the speed limit and walked slowly up to the door. As she opened the door, she saw her son impatiently pacing across the loungeroom and his younger brother sitting on the lounge his hands in his head.

"What the hell took you so long?" Jax demanded of her in a whisper.

She shrugged her shoulders; "I thought you might need time to think." She wandered past them both to her grandchild's bedroom, knowing full well they wouldn't dare make a scene and wake the baby.

"Think about what?" Thomas demanded, trailing behind his family. Gemma made a shushing gesture as she gazed at Abel's face.

"To think about the right course of action. I won't have the two of you running around town causing trouble like a bunch of headless chickens." She smiled internally as she paused for effect and noticed her 'mum' voice had made them both straighten up and listen; "Tell me what exactly your plan is Jackson." Not that bitch deserved even a coherent battle plan. But if she could convince Kohn of the danger he might leave town, and take Tara with him.

"We were gonna go to the motels and hotels in Charming. And if we couldn't find him go to that other agent… Stahl. She should know where he is."

"If he actually has kidnapped Tara why would he stay in a location the cops know about?" Gemma asked, hoping to dissuade him from informing the cops about this turn of events. Tara had been the darling of Charming. Nobody saw her for what she was but Gemma. Even Clay didn't see the big problem she posed, but Gemma knew he would let her do whatever she wanted if it were for the good of the club… or at least if it wasn't to the detriment of the club.

"Then we will go to Lodi. We will search every hotel and motel. Every abandoned building and anywhere he could hide." Tommy answered angrily. The baby begun to stir, Gemma turned from her children to soothe Abel back to sleep. And when she turned back to face them they were gone. Glowering she stomped out of the room and begun to dial a phone number. The sun would rise in another two hours, and she hoped the cover darkness provided would be enough time to get them both out.

* * *

Tara woke to the sound of a phone ringing. Not hers, of course, Kohn had gleefully told her it was smashed to pieces just like he would to the Sons of Anarchy- to Jax. She had expressed her gratitude, knowing that was what he wanted from her. She hoped he would trust her enough to give her a chance to escape. As it was, she was tied to a bed so she wouldn't escape while he slept. However, if Kohn was in the room and the door bolted, she was allowed to have only her hands tied together. And yesterday when he had left she had been left in the locked bathroom restraint free.

"What do you want?" Kohn snapped to the person on the other end of the line. He stood up and began to pace the room.

"Oh please! They won't be able to find anything, least of all me." Kohn said his voice full of pride and disbelief. There was a pause as he listened to their reply.

"Fine. We will move. I need to make some arrangements, which hotel are they going to first?" He snapped the phone shut and turned to face her. The room was still dark, but she could make out his half naked silhouette.

"It looks like your bikie boyfriends are trying to find you," Kohn said softly.

"I'm sorry," Tara said automatically.

"If you hadn't whored yourself out we wouldn't have this problem!" Kohn hissed angrily. "I'm leaving to fix your mistake. Which means you go into the bathroom."

"Please, Joshua. It's so cold in there. Can't I stay in here?" Tara pleaded. He stopped moving to consider the potential implications.

"You won't try to leave?" He asked doubtfully.

"Why would I want to leave you?" Tara asked, trying to sound husky and seductive. Kohn nodded as if she had stated she wouldn't leave. He approached her, and Tara realised too late that he had picked up the rope to tie her up with. She struggled as he tied her to the bedhead, but that just made Kohn angry. He threatened her and fearing she may lose all progress with him Tara submitted to his will. As he reached the door, Tara called out for him.

"Joshua. Please. I'm ravenous."

"You are so selfish Tara! I'm trying to save us. To fix your mess and you're worried about being hungry." His voice was full of disgust, but if nothing else her humanities classes had taught her to bullshit. And to do it well. She thought hard for a convincing lie and recalled what he had said when she had first woken up. Kohn was almost out the door when she spoke again, fake tears flooding her voice.

"It's just… If we're going to have a family, I want my body to be strong enough so that nothing goes wrong. I don't mean to cause trouble." She gave a dramatic sniff and looked through her lashes to see his reaction. His whole face brightened, and for a moment she saw the kind, handsome man she had loved.

"Oh Tar-Tar, of course, I can get you some food! I love you!" He called as he stepped out of the door and closed it firmly behind him.

* * *

Tara was finally coming around! Kohn thought gleefully as he approached the receptionist's desk. A very bored looking woman sat behind the desk, staring into nothing.

"Hi. I'm staying in room number 24 with a convicted criminal." Kohn smiled as he flashed his ATF badge, the woman sat up straighter. "The prisoner is currently tied to the headboard. She needs to eat before we leave and I have to make some arrangements. Can you please have food sent up and fed to her?"

"We only have leftover steak from last night." The receptionist informed him.

"Yes, that's fine. She will probably tell you many lies, so you let her go. But you cannot under any circumstances let her loose. Do you understand?" The woman nodded. Kohn gave his thanks and tipped her $20 for her troubles. Humming to himself he got into the silver Mazda he had ensured everyone had seen him in and drove it near another dingy hotel was. He purposefully crashed the car two miles away from said hotel, the car appearing to head further into town and walked back to the motel and climbed into the red car he had hired in another name.

* * *

Tara heard the door of her room unlock and prepared herself to talk Kohn into telling her what was happening. A young redhead entered.

"You have to help me! I've been kidnapped!" She yelled loudly frightening the woman. Her face quickly hardened from fear to anger.  
"Don't talk to me criminal!" Confusion flitted across Tara's face. Then she realised Kohn must have told her she was a criminal so she wouldn't believe anything Tara said. The woman brought a cart in behind her. On it was a plate which had steak and vegetables. The woman sat on the bed and grabbed cutlery from the lower shelf which contained three cutlery holders full of knives and three of forks. She cut the steak and vegetables up into small bit sized pieces. When she was done, she placed the knife on the bed near Tara's thigh and adjusted her position. Cautiously Tara moved closer, covering the knife with her leg and leaning toward the woman. She placed a piece of steak into Tara's mouth, who then chewed and swallowed. Halfway through the meal, which due to Tara's ravenous state was not long, Tara requested the blanket be put over her lower body. Not trusting Tara, the woman did just that, her eyes never leaving Tara's face. After the meal finished the woman placed the plate back on the cart followed by the fork. She began to search for the knife when Tara spoke out.

"You already put the knife back into the cutlery holder." Her voice was soft and gentle, but still, the woman flinched.

"I knew that! Don't talk to me!" Grabbing the cart, she rushed out of the room. Tara kicked the blanket off, trying to ensure she wouldn't stab herself and manoeuvred her foot to the serrated steak knife. Spreading her toes wide she managed, after a few tries, to wedge the handle near the blade between her first and second toe. Tara clenched her toes and brought her leg to level with her hand. She used her other thigh to try and push her foot closer to her hand. It was excruciating and tedious, but FINALLY, Tara managed to grab the blade of the knife. Her other hand twisted top to catch the handle, and in an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable position, Tara began to saw at her binds.

* * *

After getting supplies from the service station, Kohn drove back to the hotel to grab Tara. He opened the door to his room and flicked on the light. Tara was not there. There was some blood on the sheets. Had that receptionist let her go? He walked closer to the bed, hoping for a clue of what had happened. He heard the door close behind him and whirled around. There was Tara, a look of fear and anger on her face.

"I'm leaving Kohn." After all, I had done!?

"You think I'll let you leave? We belong together Tara" She heard the outrage in his voice, and that strengthened her anger… and her fear. She walked out of the corner she had been hiding in and begun to reach for the door handle. Kohn let out a scream of frustration and ran towards Tara. He threw her on the bed and whirled to follow her.

"I love you, Tara. You just don't understand how much. But I can make you." He growled, flipping her onto her back. Tara sat up as Kohn leant forward. He never even saw the knife. But she felt it. Tara felt the knife slide right into his chest, just between the ribs, right into the lungs.

"And I can make you drown in your own blood." She whispered venomously. The only reply she received was his final death rattle and hot red blood seeping onto her hand- and further.

* * *

In a daze, Jaz raced to the hotel Tara had given him. He burst into unit 24 with his weapon out and ready to fire. But the threat was long gone. Kohn lay on his back, a Knife sticking out of his torso. Tara sat on the side of the bed her long hair hung in front of, and to the side of her face and her bloody hands were clasped in her lap. She hadn't spilt a tear since Kohn had died, but she looked defeated. Jax knelt in front of her, pushing her hair out of her face. He was saying something. She just looked it his mouth.

"Tara!?" Jax exclaimed in panic. She pressed her mouth to his and kissed him desperately.

He kissed back.


	10. Chapter 10

_There's a face in the mirror, but it don't look like me,_

 _Yesterday's gone, a rain drop in the sea,_

 _I have your back for each day that's gone by,_

 _And I'll still have it till the day that I die._

 _-Old Habits Die Hard, Bon Jovi_

* * *

In this new world Tara woke up to she was unsure. She knew for certain Kohn was dead, and she was not. But there wasn't much more she was certain of in her life beyond that. She had been gone from work for days, how many she wasn't sure of either, and she couldn't exactly explain she had been kidnapped. Then there was the much more personal question of Jax. They had slept together last night but what did that mean now? It would've been easier if she were a Crow Eater, the answer would be it meant nothing. But she wasn't a Crow Eater, in fact, she was very starkly against the club. Tara thought, nay hoped, the death of Kohn would simplify things, but seemingly everything was more complicated. With a deep breath, she prepared to pull herself out of Jax's arms, and into the hot water of a shower, with the hope it would help organise her thoughts. Perhaps he had sensed she was about to leave the warmth of the bed because while still deeply dreaming Jax pulled Tara closer to him, wrapping his arms around her becoming an impenetrable barrier.

* * *

Jax woke with the pleasant feeling of a woman pressed against him. It was not a feeling he was used to, particularly since Abel's birth and the return of Tara. As he opened his eyes and took in the vision of Tara in front of him the events of the night before hit him. He was determined not for that to be the focal point of his morning. Sure, he killed an ATF agent, but he had at least today to not worry about it.

"Morning darlin'," Jax said softly, not moving his arms that were still wrapped around Tara.

"So… Where do we go from here?" Tara asked, ignoring his greeting. Jax sighed and brought his hand to his face, to rub the sleep from his eyes.

"Uh. I really don't know. I guess we should have a conversation about that?" The reluctance in his voice was evident.

* * *

Tara pulled herself free from his arms, only just noticing the blood that still stained her hands. If the blood was still there that meant so was…

* * *

Jax watched as Tara pulled herself away from him, something he should be used to, he thought darkly. But then she froze, staring down at her outstretched hands. Her outstretched bloody hands. He moved to comfort her, but her head whipped around as if she remembered something important. Her eyes were now fixated on the wall behind him. No, not the wall. Kohn's dead body. The one he hadn't disposed of yet.

"Tara! Tara! Tara Grace Knowles! Look at me!" Jax's voice was powerful and commanding, snapping Tara out of her daze. "Go and have a shower, leave your clothes here and go have a nice hot shower. I'll deal with this." His tone and words were comforting, but still, he could see there was something in the slump of her shoulders that meant Tara was scared. Was it of him? Or was it the dead body? Or maybe just fear of what might happen? What mattered was that he took care of this and quickly. That meant using the club. He had harassed them a little, so it wouldn't be a stretch to say Kohn was killed to protect the club. He just needed to get his story straight before they got here.

"Tig. Get Chibs and the prospects, a van and other supplies. We have a body to dump. I'll fill you in on the story when you get here."

* * *

The water was hot, almost scalding, but right now that's just what Tara needed. The blood on her hands had long since been washed off, but still, she looked at her hands. Her hands that were meant to save lives had been used to take one. Could she still trust them around infants? With a shake of her head at such a ridiculous thought, Tara pushed her head under the stream of water, letting the flow push her hair in her face and make her breath come harder. Until her lungs burned, Tara held herself under the water. It was almost therapeutic, if not slightly concerning. Tara reached for one of the small bottles of shampoo on the shower floor when a knock on the door caused her to start.

"You okay in there?" Jax called, the water made his voice hard to hear.

"I'm fine." She called back, determined if she said it enough it would be the truth.

"You've been in there for almost an hour, so I was just checking. I've bought clothes for you, and we've taken care of everything out there." She could hear the hesitation in his voice, did he think she was fragile? Was she fragile? Wait…

"We? Who's we?" Tara demanded, the water cutting off abruptly.

"Just some guys from the club…" Jax said cautiously.

"Is Thomas apart of this?" There was no answer.

"Jackson Teller! You tell me right now!" Tara wrapped the towel around her and flung the door open to confront him. She took in the people behind him, as he took in her in a dripping towel. She recognised the five people behind Jackson; one was indeed Tommy, the other four she only vaguely remembered from Gemma's party. Thomas was very decidedly ignoring her gaze. With a sigh, Tara moved past Jax towards Tommy.

"Did you bring my clothes?" She asked softly. He nodded and pointed to where clothes sat on the end of the stripped bed. Tara snatched the clothes and without so much as a second glance towards Jax, strode into the bathroom closing the door hard.

"Man, she is not happy with you." She heard through the door.

* * *

"Fuck off, Tig." Jax muttered, not taking his eyes off the door. It seemed like forever, but the door finally opened, and Tara stepped out, she calmly walked to the bed and sat down.

"So… I suppose we need to talk about what happened and what's going to happen." He couldn't help but smile, that was his girl. The one that should've been his old lady. The one that might be his old lady yet.


End file.
